New Year, New Look for Author Web Site

It took me nearly three hours, but www.TraceyCramerKelly.com is finally reorganized and ALMOST up-to-date (I still need to write a good teaser for True Surrender). Not "done" of course - a web site is never "done"!

But I AM ahead of schedule (for once) - I had targeted January 1 as the 'launch' date for the new site.

Whilst working on this, I came across a treasure trove of short essays and commentaries I wrote as part of the virtual blog tour last year. It made me realize just how far I've come (sometimes I lose sight of that).

One of the main questions during the tour was how long I've been writing. I wrote during high school but never with any intention of publishing. In college, my creative outlet was music. Later I got into the beaded jewelry craze, but that phased out after my son was born (beads and toddlers don't mix well). In the meantime, I would write when the muse struck, and eventually I had a half-dozen novels (or, more specifically, parts and pieces of). What you see on the site now are those seeds finally growing into something!

They're About to Kiss, but Then...

You know that scene where the main characters are JUST ABOUT to kiss...but then they don't? That's the one I've been working on. I've been trying to get the sexual tension just right. It's hard!

In fact, I'm starting to think that the parts I've yet to finish are ALL going to be difficult. I suppose that's why they're the last ones to be written!

Have you ever been betrayed by your best friend?

It happens to Army Major Aaron Bricewick in True Surrender...and it nearly gets him killed...

Jared took a long time to answer. "You understand how it is," he finally said. "I did what I did for the good of the mission."

"Bullshit," Aaron said. "You did what was good for you. You made a mistake and instead of owning up to it, you covered your ass. And you nearly got me killed."

"I didn't--" Jared stopped.

"Didn't what?" Aaron said. It took a supreme effort not to speak aloud the thoughts going through his mind.

"It was not supposed to happen that way," Jared said. "Things went wrong. But I did save you."

"You put my life in jeopardy, and then claim to save it?" Aaron was incredulous.

"Hey, you're okay now."

"Are you shitting me?" Aaron said. "Jared, they beat me. Threw me in a cellar. Broke my legs. Threatened to slit my neck. Does any of that sound 'okay' to you?"

Jared looked like wanted to get up and leave. Instead he cleared his throat. "So where do we go from here?"

Aaron was silent for a time. "I don't know," he finally said. "I really don't know."

WHAT WOULD YOU DO? To find out what Aaron does, join my email list so you'll know the minute the book is out!

Last Chance Rescue Now Available in Kindle

If you use amazon.com at all, you know their Kindle Reader is wildly popular.

Don't ask why it took me so long, but Last Chance Rescue is (finally!) available in the Kindle format.

I love holding a book in my hands, curling up on the couch by the fireplace...but even I am considering getting a Kindle.

Check it out!

Holiday Gift Idea for Book Lovers - and a FREE Bonus!

It's hard to believe the holidays are upon us again. Another year...where did it go??

If you have a book lover on your gift list this year (or someone who "has it all"...or you have no idea what to get a particular person...) please consider giving a copy of Last Chance Rescue.

(It's also a great gift idea for babysitters, teachers, co-workers or people you're trying to impress!)

Last Chance Rescue is about two search-and-rescue team members who must fight their own defenses to let down the walls that will allow them to rescue each other. It is a story of breath-taking action and adventurous lives, and the heart that is behind it all.

If you order now, I will also give you/your recipient a BONUS: the first four chapters of my forthcoming novel, True Surrender.

True Surrender is the story of Aaron Bricewick, an Army Major who is held hostage by terrorists. When he's rescued, he thinks the worst is over...but his personal journey has only just begun.

For more details or to order, visit LastChanceRescueBook.com

Trip to West Virginia: Mental and Physical Rejuvenation

I took a vacation. I mean a real one. The kind where you leave your kids behind and you don't miss them until Day 4. And for the first time in 4 or 5 years, I even left my work behind for FOUR WHOLE DAYS. (That is no small feat when you own your own business.)

We went ziplining - zooming from little 4-foot platforms from one treetop to another hundreds of feet above the ground. (I'll admit to a little trepidation at first, heights are not my thing!) We visited two ghost towns (old coal mining towns), one of which required a strenuous hike down 1/2 mile of steep terrain and 821 steps (good thing we did that one the last day, because I was sore for three days after).

And - my favorite and the main purpose of the trip - we whitewater rafted the New River and the Gauley River. This is something we try to do every couple of years, but we've always gone West - Colorado or Idaho (someday northern California...)

I have to say, I was surprised and impressed with the whole area (so much so that we plan to take a family vacation there when the kids are a little older). We happened to be there during Bridge Day, an annual event during which 80,000 people show up in this tiny county in West Virginia to watch BASE jumpers launch themselves off the bridge into the gorge below. (And we had the best seat in the house - ON the river below!)

It's amazing how closely linked the mental and physical are. With so much fresh air and physical activity - not to mention the complete lack of commitments! - my creativity really started to flow. All the way home I was mentally working on a story line involving a river rafting guide. Perhaps I will post a teaser...

New Writing Sample: Charlie's First Realization

The early morning sun was backlit against one of the most magnificent things Charlie had seen in her young life: a nearly-naked Trig.

He stood ramrod straight, clad in nothing but his briefs, his shirt in one hand. His attention was focused out the small window, which allowed Charlie to take in every inch of him: the shadow of a beard and his hair curled at the nape of his neck. The broad shoulders that folded into work-honed biceps. A spray of dark chest hairs across strong pectorals and down a taut stomach until it disappeared under the band of his briefs.

The night came back to her like flashbacks in a movie: the feel of Trig's body pressed against hers...lightning flashing...his arms around her, his breath in her ear...

An unfamiliar heat formed between her legs as her eyes wandered over Trig's well-proportioned rear and similarly well-proportioned front side.

And then he turned toward her...

(Copyright 2010 Tracey Cramer-Kelly)

Published! In Press Pause Now

I got a motivational boost today: I received a copy of the anthology Press Pause Moments: Essays about Life Transitions by Women Writers, in which my essay, "The Great Motorcycle Spirit," appears.

This collection of beautifully crafted tales reflect upon change, adversity and celebration. As women we look at life transitions in many ways, sometimes one layered upon the other. However, when we press pause, inner voices become quiet long enough to pay attention to what is going on within us and around us - and we realize the need to make change happen, and become greater than our existing selves.

"The Great Motorcycle Spirit" is a sometimes funny, sometimes wistful look at the transitions in my life, as seen from the vantage point of riding a motorcycle. An excerpt:

So today I am going back to my roots, so to speak. Today, I am, simply…a biker chick. Today I will seek comfort and tranquility where I have found it so many times before: in the arms of an “iron horse”...

Find more information here.

Creativity: a Funny, Fickle Thing

Taking a deep breath...back to writing after a 3-month hiatus due to work and children, a taiko recital and funerals...and more work. I'm no different than other writers - the bills don't get paid by the writing bug. Children aren't raised by mom escaping into a fantasy world. And so...here I am, wondering (again) where time went!

Most of the writing for Last Chance Rescue was done between 9 and 11 pm. But most of it was also done BEFORE my second child arrived. These days I find myself so tired by 9 pm that it's difficult to get the creative juices flowing.

Thank you to those who have expressed interest (and gentle prodding) about my next novel. When last I worked on it, I estimated I was about 2/3 done - but also at a difficult point where I needed to make some significant plot changes.

So you'd think that's what I would be working on, now that I have finally regained some 'brain space'...

But creativity is a funny, fickle thing. For the past couple weeks I have been gurgitating what is turning out to be another, altogether different novel. And you know what? Writing is fun again... so I'll be back sooner with my next post!

Essay About Riding Motorcycles with my Dad - Published!

My essay, "Naked Ladies and Biker Dad", is a sweetly humorous look at what I learned about life by riding motorcycles with my father.

It was published this month in the anthology "For Daddy With Love"!

This is a cache of 60 plus short stories, quotes, and anecdotes from daughters aged 5 years old to 70 years young which reveal the complex themes in the daughter/father relationship. Drawing from all walks of life, these moving personal narratives are sure to bring a smile, sigh, laugh, or tear to your eye.

I'm giving a copy to my dad for Father's Day (along with a coffee-table book of - surprise! - motorcycle photos and trivia. Get your own copy here!

Permission to Walk Away

The synopsis for True Surrender is as finished as it's going to be. (We'll see how long that lasts!)

But an interesting thing happened during the 5-month-long writing of the (2-page!) synopsis. I found some things I wanted to change to make the main character's personal transformation more believable and compelling. The challenge, as usual, is to integrate the changes into the storyline!

There was also a chapter I hadn't finished. I knew what affect I wanted to have on the character (Major Aaron Bricewick) by chapter's end, but I hadn't been able to nail down THE sequence that gives it strong 'impact-ability' ... probably because I'd worked too closely on the novel for so long (2 years and counting).

In the four weeks since I gave myself permission to accept the synopsis and walk away from the project for awhile (I even worked on a short story idea for a bit), at least ONE of these issues has become clearer to me (the unfinished chapter).

So perhaps these unexpected benefits of the process of writing the synopsis will make the time I've spent worth it (believe me, I've questioned that many times!). Certainly it will make for a stronger story!

Interview with Jessie Van Dyke, Iraq war veteran, paramedic and search-and-rescue team member

And here is another peek behind the scenes of Last Chance Rescue (psst: buy it today!)...

So, what were you doing before Last Chance Rescue?
I spent twelve months in Iraq as a paramedic before moving to Colorado, and I'd been in Colorado for a couple years when this all started.

What was Iraq like?
I don't like to talk about it much. It was pretty intense.

Didn't you get married after that?
I don't like to talk about that, either. I'm a pretty private person.

What did you think of Brad when you saw him at the reunion?
I thought he was shallow, but it underneath that I could sense a little vulnerability. I was curious what he'd do if I challenged him on it.

Is that why you took him on that first ride-along?
I could see he wanted it badly, and the guys were like, 'ah, come on, let him come.' It wasn't really my decision; it was the team leader's. It was supposed to be a routine search; Brad was not supposed to see what he saw...

How did he end up on your search-and-rescue team?
I have no idea! I sure never expected him to move to Colorado! Or to get out of advertising altogether. That was a pretty big, hairy, audacious thing to do! But I will say, he's damn good at it.

So what do you do to pay the bills?
I work as a physical therapy assistant. It's a pretty sweet deal. They're supportive of the search-and-rescue team and they cut me a lot of slack.

What do you do with your spare time?
I spend whatever extra time I have at Last Chance Ranch. I even 'adopted' a horse named Mistletoe, who'd been on the Premarin production line. And you won't want to miss the birth of her baby, Holly!

Have you been riding long?
I hadn't the first clue about horses when I moved to Colorado; all I knew was that they were the most magnificent creatures I'd ever seen. When I left the service, I had to make a delivery to Madeline, the owner of Last Chance Ranch -- it was a favor I owed a dead friend -- and the moment I set foot there I knew it was a healing place. Once I learned to ride, I was hooked.

I heard you have a 'thing' for cowboys.
[chuckles] I've always been attracted to cowboys. They have very nice behinds and they tend to be the strong, silent type.

How about a certain cowboy in Last Chance Rescue?
No comment!

Interview with Brad Sievers, former advertising executive

Ever want to get to know the characters in a book even BEFORE you read it?

Here I transcribe my 'interview' with Brad Sievers, the main character of Last Chance Rescue, who, at the start of the book, has just lost his job as an advertising executive...

So, how do you know the 'heroine,' Jessie Van Dyke?
Jessie and I went to high school together. But I hadn't seen her in 10 years -- until the night of our reunion. We figured out we'd worked at the same advertising agency, although at different times -- and that was kind of weird.

I understand you had ulterior motives for attending the reunion.
[chuckles] I wanted to see my high school crush, Aimee.

And how did that go?
Let's just say that running into Jessie changed the direction of the whole evening -- not to mention the rest of my life. At one point she made a comment about people in advertising being shallow. She touched the lapel of my suit.

What did you think of that?
That was a bit unnerving, actually. But it wasn't a come-on or anything, that was obvious.

What made you decide to leave advertising and go into search-and-rescue?
That's a pretty complex question...after I was laid off from my job...shoot, Jessie probably knows the answer to this question better than I do.

Why do you say that?
Jessie's got a way of looking in and through a person, if you know what I mean. She'd probably say that I needed fulfillment in my life. The things I used to enjoy didn't interest me anymore and I felt kind of...oh, I don't know...flat.

What kind of 'things'?
Drinking, partying...women. I was a bit...ah...cavalier in my love life before moving to Colorado.

What do you do instead?
Well, the bills have gotta get paid, so I pitch in at my friend's print shop. All that computer tinkering I did in high school has paid off. I sure made a lot more in advertising, though.

What about hobbies?
I play basketball with Micah. I guess you could say he's one of my best friends besides Ryan. He's African-American, to be politically correct. Man, my mom was weird about that; I never realized she's prejudiced until I introduced her to Micah...

What's your favorite part of search-and-rescue?
Other than saving lives? [smiles] Rappelling. Ryan and I go sometimes, just for the hell of it. He's the one who mostly taught me. He's pretty good for a young shit.

How would you say you've changed because of Last Chance Rescue?
Well, that's the whole point of the book, isn't it? The better question is what didn't change. I wouldn't want to give anything away or spoil anyone's surprise, but I will say that I'm no longer cavalier about women and sex.

Any final thoughts?
I just want to say, for the record, that I did not throw up on that first rescue!

Should she believe him? (Excerpt from novel-in-progress)

"Mom, what took you so long?"

"Just adult talk, sweetie." Surely Nicholas wouldn't notice the flush in her face. Her cheek, her ear, her neck all felt like they were on fire.

Aaron had always affected her this way - physically, sexually. But what of his comment about love? She was wise enough now to know that allowing herself to love him again would be a bad move. He did not know how to make the kind of commitment she would seek from a man.

But how to deny the desire - the tingling from her head to her toes - that she felt when Aaron touched her? She'd had a few dates about a year after Todd passed, but she hadn't been intimate with a man in a long time. Could they...?

Not a good idea, she told herself sternly. They had confused lust with love once before, and it had cost her dearly.

Damn, but I do miss it..

Mother's Day Idea - and a Free Sneak Peek!

How about a personalized, signed copy of Last Chance Rescue?

Introduce someone you care about to Jessie, an Iraq war veteran, and Brad, a laid-off advertising executive who finds himself on Jessie's search-and-rescue team.

Bring her alongside Jessie and Brad as they face not just physical obstacles, but their own internal struggles. Will they finally let down the walls and rescue each other?

NOT LIMITED TO MOTHERS!

A personalized, signed book is a great way to say "thank you" or "thinking about you" to anyone in your life (even a GUY, they like this book too!).

GET A 'SNEAK PEEK'

If you order by May 9th, I'll include a copy of the first four chapters of my forthcoming novel, True Surrender.

True Surrender is the story of a die-hard military officer whose experience at the hands of terrorists -- and the resultant amputation of one of his legs -- is just the beginning of his personal transformation. What happens when he is forced to choose between love and duty?

So order now (no special code needed). If you have a special message you want included, put it in the notes. If you'd like it mailed directly to your recipient, just let me know. I'll do the rest. But hurry - Mother's Day is coming up fast!

STILL Working on Synopsis

I sent draft #7 of the synopsis for Novel #2 to a fellow writer/reviewer a few weeks ago. It took a couple weeks (first it was his schedule, then it was mine), but while I was on vacation (skiing in Montana!) last week, we connected via phone and hashed over it for nearly two hours. (Two hours! Over three pages!)

It still amazes me that every time I think something is "close" (in this case, I thought maybe 2-3 more drafts) ... I've so much more to do than I thought. It's bad but it's good - after all, it only gets better each time I re-work it.

Or perhaps I'm too much of a perfectionist with this synopsis. Maybe I'm putting too much pressure on it. Its sole purpose is for the agent query letter... So what if I can't get an agent to consider the novel? I've self-published once; I can certainly do it again.

But there's just something in me that compels me: if I'm going to do something, I'm going to do it RIGHT. I want to do it to the best of my ability. (And it's not just writing that I feel that way about.)

I will say this: writing the synopsis is HARDER than (and certainly not as fun as) writing the book! And until I finish it, I'm stuck in one spot. I can't work on the novel because I need 'distance' from it while writing the synopsis. And, of course, I can't send out agent queries without a synopsis. And - as always - time is an issue. So I'm going to sign off now and work on it some before my daughter wakes from her nap...

Another Essay to be Published - More Motorcycling!

An essay I wrote about what I learned from riding a motorcycle is going to be published in an anthology titled Press Pause Moments: Essays About Life Transitions by Women Writers.

It's great to at least be writing and talking about motorcycling, since it's still too cold to actually DO it...

Editor Anne reports that she is hoping for publication in May (Mother's Day). I will let you know as soon as I find out!

Iraq War Marine Military Memoir: How it Helps my Writing

I picked up Joker One by Donovan Campbell after reading his article in Guideposts magazine. I wanted to see how his faith fared while he was immersed in the military/combat life. In the book, the faith/Christian themes are pretty low-key; however, the insightful observations Campbell draws about the human spirit and LOVE in particular were – at least for me – a clear expression of his spirituality.

This is the most balanced war memoir I've read. It's not about politics and it's not dripping with military ego/pride. Campbell's ability to be straightforward and honest about his own shortcomings, regrets and emotional state is truly compelling. It's about his personal journey and how he is changed by what he experiences – and he's not afraid to tell it like it is. He's obviously driven, and he's hard on himself.

In fact, I found parallel characteristics between Campbell and Major Aaron Bricewick, the fictional 'star' of True Surrender, my novel-in-progress! So there was an extra element of discovery in reading this ... any doubts I had about whether my character was acting realistically were settled!

Besides that, Campbell's either got a natural knack for writing or an incredible editor, because this book pulls everything together in a way that other Iraq memoirs I've read haven't. And - let's face it - 'technically' good writing makes for an easier read, allowing the book concept to really come to life. Nothing gets in the way of Campbell's sometimes powerful realizations ... which is just what I've been working on in True Surrender!

Reflections on a Second Anniversary

It has been two years this month since Last Chance Rescue was released. I can't believe it's been that long!

So I'm feeling somewhat reflective about that ... and a little disappointed. In my naivette, I had hoped Last Chance Rescue would have a greater reach. I didn't know then (and I only know a little more now) how difficult it would be to market a book on my own.

I had also hoped to have my next novel, titled "True Surrender," completed by now, with letters sent off to agents in the hope that I can find a publisher (so that the book might 'live larger' than Last Chance has).

But there are the realities of life. This past year has been difficult for many businesses, and Leader Motorcycle (which I own and operate) has been no different. It has required my all (and then some). Luckily I love what I do. But the "writing life" was put on hold for a good portion of 2009.

I also have no desire to miss out on time with my children (7 and 2-1/2). Nathan's art was one of only TWO chosen from his entire school to be displayed at the State Capitol (St. Paul, MN) for the month of March ("Young Artists Month"). And Evelyn is showing a true gift for singing (just like her mom, some might say!). I've kept up on my taiko studies, but the flight lessons were put on hold in November (and have yet to resume).

Together my husband and I have also undertaken a new service: training to be Marriage Mentors through our church. We feel a true calling to this, as we've been through a marital crisis ourselves and we see so many marriages hurting these days.

Many of you have asked how I do so many things and pursue so many interests. The answer has increasingly been, "I don’t ... not really ...not now." I'm just like most of you: the majority of my time is spent working or caring for my children.

So where does that leave writing? A distant fifth or sixth, from what I've written above. But my life is full and I feel blessed. I will continue to write when I can. "True Surrender" will get finished (and it will be worth the wait!). So thanks for the support you've shown, and for sharing Last Chance Rescue with anyone you can think of.

Defining Moment as a Writer - Part II (see November for Part I)

There were two.

The first: holding the "draft copy" of Last Chance Rescue. I was in awe. I caressed the cover; I kept opening the front flap to look at my name inside. The hundreds of hours, the agonizing over edits, and the painstaking care I'd taken in the details of the book and its presentation (cover, layout, etc.) were suddenly all worth it. (Never mind that no one had seen it yet!)

The second: being named as a Finalist in the 2009 Indie Awards. I had struggled with getting the word out about Last Chance Rescue - the requisite "self promotion" doesn't come naturally. But here was someone else (not just me) saying the book was good! It was validation in its truest sense, and came at a pivotal time.

And now...I can't wait to do it again! (Novel #2 is about a military officer's harrowing experience at the hand of terrorists, and his personal journey to learn what is truly worth fighting for, and what True Surrender means.)

And that, more than anything else, may just be the true mark of an author. Because writing is hard work - and it doesn't pay the bills for many of us. I do it because there are stories that refuse NOT to be told. There are times I think to myself, 'why in the world would I want to do that again?' and yet...I can't resist.

So perhaps there's a third defining moment that is ongoing!

Political Novel: Missing Ingredient

I'm not a big fan of political novels or courtroom dramas. But I try to read widely, and so it happens that I just finished Richard North Patterson's "Eclipse."

I tend to be more interested in character development and change. Which – given the topic of this book – could have been served up in spades. However, I felt the dialogue was stilted and limited, and that the reader was never allowed to get too deep into the characters (the main character was referred to by his last name throughout the book, adding to my general sense of standoffishness). If it hadn't been for the attraction between the two main characters (the lawyer and the activist's wife) I may not have finished it.

I will say that the ending was, in my opinion, compelling (though certainly not happy) and memorable. But my reaction to this novel was, overall, only lukewarm. If you like political novels and/or courtroom drama, you may enjoy this one.

Excerpt from Forthcoming Novel

"Aaron was not looking forward to her seeing him trussed up like the deer his uncle had hung in their garage one fall..."

Interested? Fascinated? Want to find out more? Join my newsletter and you'll be one of the first to hear about the new book's progress (as well as fun tidbits from Last Chance Rescue)!

Essay Chosen for "A Daughter's Story"

An essay I wrote about my father and his influence on my life - using our shared passion for motorcycling as the central focus - has been accepted and will be published in an anthology due out in June 2010! More details soon...

January: Prime Writing Time?

Normally January is prime writing time here in Minnesota (the weather encourages indoor activities!) - in fact, it's usually kind of boring - but I am startled (pleasantly, in some ways) by the fact that it's February already. The only writing I got done in January was a pitch letter for a major contest (less than 300 words - but it's GOOD).

We had a bout with the flu (everyone in my house, one after the other, except my son) that lasted 10 days. I finally hired help at work and have been spending a lot of time training him (which I don't particularly enjoy). And since he needed a computer, he got mine and we got a new one for ME - and it took all weekend to get the software reloaded and straighten out my email program, etc. (There's still a laundry list of smaller issues to clean up.)

I managed to read one book ("Eclipse" by Richard North Patterson) but only 72 pages into my marriage mentoring studies.

But I HAVE been enjoying time with my kids (especially swimming at the Y and making chocolate-chip cookies) ... and I'm working on another tough but really compelling scene in novel #2!

Tough Scene, Novel #2 (Dealing with Guilt)

Took me all afternoon to get it outlined. That's about two pages of actual writing! Sometimes I wonder why in the world I would want to write another book...

Reading Instead of Writing

I did a little of both over the holidays. I usually prefer books over movies, but I loved the movie "Dancing With Wolves." So I finally picked up the sequel, titled "The Holy Road" by Michael Blake.

First off, I think it would be challenging (make that daunting) to write a sequel to a novel that was made into such a popular movie.

Second, this is pretty different: Unlike Dances with Wolves, there is no ‘main character’ in this book. That is both a plus and a minus.

On the plus side, it allows Blake to share several very distinct points of view (from staunch resistance to resigned acquiescence) – which is probably a very accurate depiction of the internal struggles of the Native Americans (considering the history in play here). I was impressed by Blake's ability to do this.

On the minus side, it is difficult to empathize with any one character when you're jumping from one head to another every chapter. For me, the minus over-rode the plus – in the first story I cheered for Dances with Wolves as I got to know him and his deep struggles. Although I could feel respect toward the various characters in this novel, that strong bond between reader and character did not have a chance to form.

(I also thought the book needed a better title - there was very little to do with the railroad ("Holy Road") in this book.)

One Small Interview for (Wo)man ... One Giant Step Forward for Book

I just had a really enjoyable - and hugely productive - meeting with what I call a "SME" (Subject Matter Expert). This SME is an ex Air Force physician, and when I first met him back in July, I had put this novel (the one I'm working on now) on the backburner - even though the plot line was more than half done.

Much of that had to do with time constraints. But also, I think, I was stagnating in certain aspects of the plot. I don't feel my fiction needs to be 100% percent literal and accurate - it IS fiction, after all, and needs some room to breathe - but I do like believable settings, and understanding the settings enough to use them for character development (like flying with medevac before I wrote "Last Chance Rescue").

Meeting this particular SME really jump-started the novel. It was like a message from above: 'YES, I want you to write this story now, and I'm sending you the tools to do it.' I know it will be a better story because of this person's experience, insight - and willingness to share those with me. So thanks, SME (you'll know who you are)!